Slavism

I love hanging out with Marina because inevitably, at some point, we will fall into discussions on the essence of Slavism. She is Croatian and I am Polish. She brings the Yugoslavian piece of the puzzle and I chime in with my Soviet-laced early Warsaw memories, and the bits and pieces I can scratch out of the crevices of my mind reserved for "things I learned in a U of M classroom."

It refreshing to be able to talk freely about Poland. To be honest about how much it is a part of me, and also to be honest about how little I feel I know about it. I am not a Poland expert. I don't speak the language like I should. Very few people understand how that is even possible, much less acceptable, given how long I lived there. I have forgotten what it was like to not have to explain myself every time I want to make a reference to my childhood.

I told my father I wanted to come back and live in Poland again. I think he thought I was joking. And my brother's only reaction was "really? why?" Because, Tristan, you haven't had the experience of leaving Poland yet. That isolating, unexpected Slavic withdrawal that generates such powerful patriotism for a country you didn't even know you cared about. It happened to me. God knows I hated everything about Poland when I was there. And what do I do once I leave? Decide to devote half my undergraduate career to studying the damn place. It happened to Sabrina, too. It will happen to you.

It's not a bad thing. Just one more notch in the wood block that will eventually, one day far from here, be a recognizable carving of our identity. Korea makes me miss Poland, to the extent that I came home from Itaewon tonight with a half pitcher of beer burbling in my stomach and I flipped open my computer and pulled up old Dobranocki on Youtube. Koziolek Matolek, Smok Wawelski, Pszczolka Maja. All those terrifying, dearly beloved old cartoons that so defined my perceptions of post-Communist Poland. I never thought I would meet someone who could understand all of that.

A burden has unfurled, and unsurprisingly, it has released more questions into the air like pollen dust. But it's a nice feeling, especially here in this alien land.